Catharsis/Writing

We are finally not sick (at least not that much). Hahaha! In retrospect, my last post was premature. We got much more sick. My wife contracted Scarlet Fever (we think). I got gout (or if not gout, my feet were retaining a TON of water). Our fevers went up once more. And then we were better :) And the storm has almost passed. Wow. God had grace on us.

And so now we're in this place of rest. A month of time to spend in God and family. Finals are over. The sickness is gone. And so the other day, my wife and I went to a really cool coffeehouse in town. I got a three shot decaf Americano and my wife got a cup of granola and we drove around town and in the countryside and talked. It was great :) And I realized how badly I wanted to write a book. I've been wanting to do that for years and years, but never really had the time before. And now I do. And so now I think I'm going to do that. And maybe if it's God's will, I'll have a book in some publisher's hands by the time I graduate and I can do what I've always wanted to do: write about God's love. I really hope this works out and that it's God's will. If it's not, it's okay too :) But I'm going to start working on it and hopefully finish most of it by the time winter break is done.

Do you ever feel like life goes really fast? And each day there are like a thousand memories, but then the day is gone. And a new day begins and a thousand new wonderful memories. But at the center of it all you know that God is the center beam in this whirl of beauty but it's so hard to hold onto him because sometimes he's not there; he's elusive (remember Isaiah saying God you truly are a God who hides himself). He's not tangible, yet. And he stretches across time and as badly as we want to also, we can't. We wish too and in Heaven probably will (John 10:34, Psalm 82:6, we are really gods and goddesses) and we probably were meant too (Ecclesiastes 3:11, God has set eternity in our hearts-both desires and stretching through time and so being like God,1 John 3:2)

But it's still hard here, wishing and waiting on him. That's why I want to write a book and what I want to write it about. Hopefully, it will be Jesus' will! We'll see!

And if I get writer's block, I'll just clean the house! (it actually helps. haha!)

Resting In His Words

This is has been a tough week. I'm fighting through finals week and tonight is my last night to study. Rewind back to Sunday night, my daughter was in a lot of pain because of her tooth. I was walking her in the kitchen to help her sleep. It was like 4am. I was tired. And I heard God say, "I've given you the strength to get through this." In hind sight, I had NO idea what was going to happen. I thought that was the worst of it. Haha. Nope. And the only reason I got through it was because of his words.

The next night, my sweet little girl got a cold. A bad one :( And late nights studying interspersed with times of comfort for my darling daughter turned into bedtime (for me) at 6 am! And I was working the 1:30-3 and 4-5:30 am comfort shifts with my beautiful wife taking the other times. When I wasn't helping her, I was studying. And boy, oh boy, it came down hard on my body. By Wednesday, my wife and I catch her cold. It hits us hard. We both are badly sleep deprived and there's also the hard pressure of finals. And throughout the days and nights, there have come several moments where I think to myself, "This is too much. It's beyond me. I can't do it." And then those words God spoke to me pop in my head. I've given you the strength to get through this. I really didn't have the slightest clue when Jesus said that to me Sunday night how badly I needed to hear those words from him. I passed in and out of consciousness tonight as my wife played with my daughter. And I woke up, feeling not good, but I felt a renewed strength and determination to finish what we started. I'm so close to graduating next spring. And I need to pass these last classes this week and next Spring and I'm done. God helped me finish the race.

As we all know, the romance with our Beloved Jesus is not always a wonderful ecstasy. Sometimes we have to go through the fire and it's not pretty. But his grace is always sufficient. He never gives us too much that we can't handle. And through it we become more and more like our Beloved.

Daddy + Daughter

The other day I had this perfect moment with my daughter. I was holding her in my arms, she was asleep, and I was rocking her back and forth and slowly dancing with her as we listened to Coldplay's Christmas Lights.



We have Christmas lights up in our living room (it's very Dan-In-Real-Life-ish; PS if you haven't seen that movie, rent it. Now! It's me and my wife's fav movie ever). The sun was setting outside. And I just started crying. All my life I have always wanted a daughter. And of course I have one :) But I just started thanking Jesus for her. I knew it was the Holy Spirit talking through me to Jesus (when the Spirit gives us words to pray for when we cannon verbalize the things of the heart). It was absolutely wonderful :) One of the best moments, easily.

This girl has absolutely stolen my heart. I'm crazy about her. I don't think I realized before we had her that I would be this in love with her (if you're a parent, you might know what I'm saying here). In a very real way, I fall more in love with her every day.

I have my work cut out for me though. My wife is an awesome mommy. She absolutely 'beasts' mommyhood. She's selfless, loving, patient, and soooo much fun. I have to bring the full out Jim Carry zanyness every day just to catch up to her and in a desperate hope to keep my daughter's attention over her! lol.

So much I hear though about fathers not involved in their daughters' lives. My goodness! Why not?? Aside from all the extreme benefits spiritually, psychologically, and emotionally, they are missing out on having an awesome little girl think they are superman and can do anything in the world. And that's a feeling you can't get elsewhere except from her.

As a door turns on its hinges, so a sluggard turns on his bed. Proverbs 26:10 (NIV)
Or better than 'bed' how about couch?

Here's my challenge to these Godly dads, wake up! These gifts from God we call children, our daughters, are oh so important, special, amazing. The things a girl derives from her father and her relationship with him will be one of the main dictating factors as to how she decides to allow herself to be treated by men when she grows up, whether or not she will believe those disgusting, derogatory messages about her body, appearance, and dress from media and peers (ie the world), how much she will pursue her Heavenly Father, and how much self-worth she'll derive and where it comes from (from God & knowing she's saved & redeemed & is an image bearer of our Lovely God or from a sleazy boyfriend who uses her for her body, 'friends' who are the personification of the world, and grocery store checkout magazines with the latest Hollywood glam)

Whatever it is hindering you from all out loving your daughter, deal with it at the cross. Fast.

Then, start again :) God is all about fresh starts.

Give her attention. Spent time with her.

Have fun! You can read a book together.



If you run out of ideas fast...

Don't be afraid to take some pointers from your best friend, your wife :)




And of course, play! Play!! Play!!!



Make her smile. Make her laugh. Do everything you can to make her never forget these times & remember them one day as 'the good ole days.' You, as a father, have this power. Believe in yourself because you are saved in Christ.

Love, Love, Love :)

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. - 1 John 4:8

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:19-20

How rich and wonderful our God's love is. He is just incredible. As I grow and learn together with my wife, I just keep realizing how beautiful his heart is. It's like our story, no matter what twists and turns and bends there might be, is always very good. And it's because of Jesus. I know it. His heart toward all of us is love.

I've fallen so much deeper in love with Jesus the past couple weeks. His beauty, his heart, his touch, his embrace, everything about him is so perfect. He is like this warm inviting pool calling me to come and wade out deeper and deeper into. He is our Lover. He adores us. He wants to marry us and give us our heart's desires.

I really wanted to write some thoughts on loving Jesus and loving others. Here are a few :)

1) Go on a date with Jesus. Let him romance you and you get the time to worship him. Make it special. That's what my wife and I say when we are jonesin' for a date night. Go to a bookstore or a coffeehouse and just sit with him, cuddle up with him in some corner of a bookstore and read to him. Tell him you love him. Go for a romantic walk with him (even though it can be really cold this time of year). The only thing here is it's just you and him and it's something special. Share what is important to your heart with him. What are your heart's desires? Whatever they are, share that too. This is about pursuit. Pursuing his heart and letting him romance and woo yours. This is one of the ways a love relationship grows.

Try something new too. One night, stay home with him. Make dinner and enjoy him over a special meal. Try something you would not ever make, but would love to eat. Even get dressed up? It's just you and him. Date him.

And make sure to go less in this direction:



And more like this:



[I don't know. lol. I just wanted to somehow get that Wyoming pic in because it's hilarious.]

2) Worship him. Be intimate with him. Come alone, just you two. And worship him. Love him. Tell him everything. Adore him. It's how we kiss him with our soul. And let him love you. Enjoy his presence. Enjoy him :) Sometimes it can be really hard to do this since we flit and flutter about in our minds and hearts so much, but try this: Just lie somewhere, don't move, don't think, but just listen to him. And then tell him you surrender to him. Let him come to you and love you. "Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10). Let him love on you, enjoy you, be close and intimate to you. He wants to. He is crazy, madly, passionately in love with you. "My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies." (Song of Songs 6:2). If you want to make it really special, you can light some candles (it's not so far off from oil burning in the temple in Israel, and we are his temple). Go down to Bath and Body Works or Hobby Lobby or Hallmark or somewhere and get some candles (tea lights are great too). Set the scene that this is your time to worship your Beloved, our Holy God. And invest in him. He is more important than anyone or anything else :)

3) Become one with him in heart. We must get intimacy with our Love Jesus in body, soul, mind and heart to enjoy him and to worship him with all we are. Intimacy of the heart with God is oh so important to our life story. Try this: go into your bedroom or living room alone with him and maybe a cup of tea or coffee (conversations are always better over tea or coffee, I always say) and spill everything to him. If it's a secret in your heart, tell him! Yes, this might take a while and some of it might bring some tears. But if we are never truly naked before him, both in intimacy and in every part of our heart (even the broken parts), we won't be able to fully enjoy him and worship him when we are intimate with our Beloved.

It's okay :) God will never, ever break your heart.

And after it's over, you'll be more madly in love with him than ever because his names of Savior and Rescuer and Lover will take on a new depth. You'll be even more crazy in love with our Beloved Jesus :)




But not only are we in love with God, we also have to fall in love with others. With the people in the world. When we love God and others we fulfill both the first and second great commandments. It doesn't have to be big. You don't have to do anything huge (although we all like to do things big if God let's us). Love all, but focus on those that God has given you to image him to specifically. Maybe this will take some thought. Maybe it won't. And also, where do you want to help and love others? Is it doing things in the background, serving without asking anything, helping in kids' ministry at church, spending some time at the homeless shelter, loving that one friend who is hard to love? Whatever it is, we are in a broken world and we are his light. You are his light. Don't let it flicker out. Be open and vulnerable to others and love them, while protecting your own heart. It's Christmastime and the opportunities to bring a little of the joy we've received from our relationship with God abound in number. Everywhere. Let his Spirit guide you :)

I'm a father. And I'm crazy about my little girl :) I have a 'bookmark' of sorts-it's actually a page I tore out from Meg Meeker's Strong Daughters, Strong Fathers and it reminds me of how important and cherished my relationship with my little girl is. I think the Daddy-Daughter relationship is one of the most important relationships. I remember when we found out we were having a girl, I felt so honored that God would give me of all people a little girl. A girl is so important, boys too, don't get me wrong, but girls are special. I remember talking one of the pastors at my old church who had a little girl also and we both agreed that we felt so special for God giving us and entrusting us with one of his girls :)



One of the biggest things I will ever do is love my daughter. To love her and teach her and show her how to grow up and be a Godly woman (although I don't want her to ever grow up!) It's hard to imagine sometimes that I have immense power in my love with her. To show her attention, to make her laugh (which is my absolute favorite), to make her smile-these are the things that a father has the power to do. It's a miracle. I only pray that my love for her will somehow show her our Heavenly Father's heart for her. My wife and I both want to adopt. A lot! There are many children out there who are hurt, broken and lonely. And that should not be. We badly want to bring them into our home and family so that they will never be hurt or alone again. We want them to grow up in a family of our God and not have to fend for themselves.

You don't have to have kids or adopt to show them they are special. My wife. who has the most beautiful heart in the world, says Hi everyday to a couple of kids walking home from school each day. She even made them cake pops (which are delicious if you've never had them) once. My wife is awesome :)

Whatever it is, wherever God has placed you, 1) Love Jesus ridiculously with everything you are and 2) Love others as your own self. Do these two things and you will, as our Love Jesus said, "not [be] far from the Kingdom of God." (Mark 12:34, NIV)

Rainy Night/Snuggling with God/Image Bearing

It's a rainy, cold night in Oklahoma. There was light drizzle and fog earlier and it's dark and cold. Perfect! That's means extra snuggling with my lovely wife and family and Jesus :) And some hot tea too! I'm essentially a bear. A small bear (I'm not a big guy), but a bear nonetheless. I really like to hibernate in "the cave." Rainy nights fit that bill perfectly. There is not a better reason to do some extra snuggling and sleeping when it's cold and rainy and in the middle of the night (even if it's a light rain, or snow-which is even better). This whole thing started when I left OU and walked to the parking garage after taking my physics test (which went well, thank you very much!). It was cold, drizzly, perfect. Throw in some Death Cab and talking with Jesus as I drove home to my wonderful wifey and I was happy. Our Beloved gives us such great little "gifts" like these moments through the day and night. My wife actually thinks I'm more like a cat. She sayst I have catlike-tendencies (which I will not discuss here-btw). Anyways, in honor to that, I'm hoping to look like this guy below in his pj's in a little bit:



How wonderful that God is our delight! He is the delight of our hearts and his love is just so amazing, so beautiful. I just want to send encouragement out to anyone struggling with our Love Jesus Christ and this world (He is oh so worth it!). Never forget that you are an image of our God and his very own Beloved, betrothed to him and adopted into the wonderful family of our Father and given his lovely Holy Spirit to never leave us forever :)

I'm up late studying for finals this week in order to prepare for "the final showdown." Some of the ways that I image God is through being a husband and father, but also by writing about his love, and meteorology. I do all of these thing with Jesus and to discover more of him and find new and beautiful places to have intimacy with him. We all image God. If you haven't stretched out in your heart to find how you image him, do it! You will be pleasantly surprised :) Especially if some of the ways you want to image him are things you secretly would like to do, but never really admit it to anyone, even yourself. Like maybe writing? Or cake decorating? Painting or something artistic? What kind of ways do you want to image him? It's okay if it's secret, you can keep it just between you and Jesus! But whatever it is, do it! You won't regret it. I really like cold, rainy nights with my Love Jesus sitting with me as I write and do atmospheric physics. What do you like to do and would like for Jesus to be with you in it? It could very well be a new place you can delight in God and through it get your heart's desires by having Jesus' presence with you in something you love (Psalm 37:4). Whatever it is, go for it!

To Burn

Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of Yahweh - Song of Songs 8:6

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD - Psalm 27:14

The soul surrenders herself wholly to God, and God gives Himself wholly to the soul...But ah! what a distance is yet to be travelled, and what sufferings to be undergone before this eagerly desired union can be granted or consummated! - Jean Guyon, a 16th Century French Monk, Song of Songs of Solomon

When we surrender to Jesus, we enter into a place that is more intimate, more reserved, more pure than any other. It is so enjoyable, so desirable, so joyful, so wonderful.

As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. - Isaiah 62:5 (NIV)

When we come to him just as we are we get to enjoy his presence in ways we never thought possible. It's an closeness and intimacy oh so magnified with our God. It feels wonderful, enjoyable. It's a place where we can worship freely, where our words of worship and thoughts of worship somehow translate into spiritual kisses upon the Beloved. It's something incredible and joyful and after we've been intimate with him for long, we are left in a state of aching. It is an aching for both more worship and closeness, but also an aching to finally be wrapped upon him and know him and embrace him. It is an aching for the consummation of our marriage to our God.

[As a brother in this family of God, I entreat you: don't let go of him. He is priceless, beyond anything this world could ever offer. If there is anything, anything at all in your world that could pull you away from him, throw it away! Give yourself to him and he will love you forever. You are the desire of his heart. He wants you and never wants to be away from you. Don't take anything that is below him as something in place of being with him. Worshiping our beautiful Lord Jesus and being one with him is far greater than anything this world could offer.]

And so now we must wait upon our Lover. We must wait upon the Son of God to come to us. He will. He said that he would one day (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). But as a beloved left waiting for our Lover to come home from the war, we are left to burn in our desire for him. In this time we must cultivate patience. It will not be too much longer and we will be in his embrace. But for now, we must wait and be patient. As Jean Guyon said,

He is not yet a Bridegroom whom I may embrace in the nuptial bed, but a bundle of crosses, pains and mortifications; a bloody husband ( Exodus 4:25), and crucified lover, who desires to test my faithfulness, by making me partaker of a good share of his sufferings. For this is the part of the soul at this period.

We are waiting upon our God. And as we wait we can foretaste the enjoyment of our God in us, as a bridegroom enjoys his bride, when we worship his gorgeous Holy Spirit. We have him forever and it will only get better :)

As St. John of the Cross, the 16th century Spanish priest, wrote in his Spiritual Canticle of the Soul and the Bridegroom Christ (which is considered by some to be a free-form version of Song of Songs):

(Stanzas 6, 37, 38, 39)

Oh! who can heal me?

Give me at once Yourself,

Send me no more

A messenger

Who cannot tell me what I wish

We shall go at once

To the deep caverns of the rock

Which are all secret,

There we shall enter in

And taste of the new wine of the pomegranate.

There you will show me

That which my soul desired;

And there You will give at once,

O You, my life!

That which You gave me the other day.

The breathing of the air,

The song of the sweet nightingale,

The grove and its beauty

In the serene night,

With the flame that consumes, and gives no pains.

Healing With God

This is one of the hardest things to do in this world. I've walked through something like this in myself and with people I know who are trying to heal in their heart but are just stuck in the past.

"It's like it just keeps popping into my head."
"The memories won't go away."
"If time heals everything, why hasn't it healed yet?"
"I can't let it go."
"I keep getting reminded about it from all this music, all these places, these movies, times, etc. I just want it to go away."

I think most of us have thought things like these sentences at some time in our lives. We are in interesting position. Jesus called us gods and goddesses (John 10:34; cf Psalm 82:6). We were meant to live in unending pleasure and intimacy with Jesus, our Source, and each other. And yet instead we were born into a fallen world and have been hurt, taken advantage of, and we've done unto others as they have done to us in revenge. And in the midst of the storm, it can feel like our light, who we are inside and the holy and good God has made us into, can start to flicker in and out as the dark rain pours down. In these times, it's easy to let go of our God. But we can't. He is called our Savior for a reason. He saves us.

It's hard to have intimacy with God and with someone you love here when you've been hurt. There are waves of guilt, pain, darkness that breech the love and intimacy we should enjoy. For some people, it can be hard to imagine intimacy with God, a rapturous spiritual ecstasy, one that surpasses physical intimacy here when they have been so taken advantage of physically in hurtful relationships. And so deriving spiritual intimacy with Jesus but still having those scars is very difficult. For many, it's just "getting past what happened" and if that ever occurred life would be good.

Healing can require many things. No two wounds are the same. Some require vulnerability and opening up to someone who is trusted (a spouse, a friend, someone else). Others require deep introspection and must be handled internally. All healing requires Jesus' Holy Spirit. And only through him can we find real healing. There does exist a healing that brings about complete destruction and separation of the pain and the wound and the evil done to you and justice will be brought about through Jesus Christ and the cross. God promised us this for his coming Kingdom:

The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. Isaiah 65:18

It, whatever it is for you, will be gone and never remembered again. Not by God, not by you. The cross and punishment Jesus took for us is above all pain, all hurt, all guilt, all loss and it takes in whatever has happened to us and it makes it dissolve in his blood. And we are made new. You are made new. And you will be renewed.

Inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16 (NIV)

What are some ways to pursue healing by our Love Jesus Christ?

1) Replace the pain with our Lover and life to come with him.
"Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2.

Replace those thoughts and mental movies and pictures of what happened with intimacy with our Lord. With closeness to him. Run into his arms and he will draw near to you. Read Song of Songs and put yourself and God into the story. Read the prophets and see the life to come with our Father and our family. Throw away the old things that remind you of what happened and instead surround yourself with the gifts God has given you. Ask him to send you little love letters throughout the day and just let him woo you and let you indulge in his love. Let his love cleanse you and draw you near to him to heal you. Be open and vulnerable with your God and Jesus will sweetly heal your broken heart.


2) Grieve. This is oh so good for us.

It is better to go to a house of mourning than a house of feasting. Ecclesiastes 7:2

We need to acknowledge the wound and that it mattered. It mattered because we matter. You matter. Your heart is important. You are an image of God, beloved of our Lord Jesus Christ. Your heart is more treasured by God than anything else in the universe. When you get hurt, it matters. It matters to Jesus. Let the tears come. Get some time alone and grieve. Cry and let the pain out and embrace it. This is good, this is purifying, this allows the wound to be cleansed so our Beloved God can heal it.

Jesus grieves for us. Romantic love is passionate. Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like the flame of Yahweh. Song of Songs 8:6. And when that fire is disrupted, it hurts. Jesus feels the same love for us. God gets sad. He hurts. He cries. He weeps and mourns when we hurt him. When we hate him, turn against him, not desire him, leave him.

Read this excerpt from God's mourning over his lost loves:

Oh, that my head were a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears! I would weep day and night for the slain of my people. Oh, that I had in the desert a lodging place for travelers, so that I might leave my people and go away from them; for they are all adulterers, a crowd of unfaithful people. They make ready their tongue like a bow, to shoot lies; it is not by truth that they triumph in the land. They go from one sin to another; they do not acknowledge me, declares the LORD. - Jeremiah 9:1-3 (NIV)

That sounds familiar to me. It sounds like something I could have written at some points in my life. It sounds similar to the story of others. It's our story at some point when we get hurt by the object of our love. Grieving is not something we have to overcome in order in order to finish the path God has for us, grieving is an essential process we go through while we're on the path for different seasons in life.

3) Forgiveness. We must in the end have forgiveness. We must forgive those who hurt us. Yes, this one may take the longest, but we are on a path to become like the Son's character. We are going to marry him. We are his forever. And he died for us to take away our sins. We could not be unforgiving and our God forgive him else we will be like the unforgiving servant. (Read Matthew 18:21-35) This could take a long time for you and your heart, but it must be our end goal in the healing process. Maybe this involves telling the person who hurt you that you forgive them. Maybe it doesn't. You will know from the Spirit leading you.

As a brother in Christ I just want to send encouragement to you if you are hurting and going through the healing process in Christ. I hope our Beloved God will bring it to full healing and for it to be gone forever very soon. Remember, even in the midst of the storm Jesus calmed it by telling it to stop. He can do that for you also :)

Falling in Love with Jesus for the First Time

A lot of people might have reservations about knowing Jesus in an intimate way, as two lovers would know each other. Many people have always related to Jesus in a reverent, honorable, but distant way. One of the prevailing ways of thinking of the boundaries of intimacy is that God is on his throne and we are before him and that's that and we are to worship him from that distance with all that we are...But there's more to us and God than that.

When I first became a Christian over 9 years ago I struggled with a passage in the Bible:

At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. - Matthew 23:30 (NIV)

At the time I was still waiting for God to bring me my wife, but I was also excited for when he would return for us. That verse above crushed me though. I did not want to just go to Heaven and miss out on ever having a wife, or never have physical intimacy with my wife, or never have children. And all I had with God was this distant and reverent relationship; I was zealous for him but had no idea what intimacy with him was like. I struggled with that for a year, until I came across some book in the discount section at a bookstore called Journey of Desire by John Eldredge. In it there is a chapter where Eldredge is asked a question by some career-single women, who thought there was little chance that they would ever marry in this life, at a retreat, "Is there sex in heaven?" They didn't want to miss out on joy.

But what's the answer?

God wrote out the interplay of love, passion, desire between a man and a woman. He gives us this incredible picture of oneness in marriage, intimacy, joy; but what does it really mean? Is it just for our own happiness and have no connection to intimacy with God? That would be antrocentric.

The Spirit wrote through Paul:

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:31-32 (NIV)

God is surprising us by saying all that he made in marriage, romance, love, desire, intimacy, sex, etc between a husband and a wife, all of that is like an image in the mirror of the kind of relationship he desires with us. It's not just like it, but it's far deeper, far more close than marriage here. The Bible is a romance and God is our Heavenly Lover who is trying to woo our hearts through his invisible Holy Spirit whom he sent to be with us in this world.

True, intimacy is hard when our Lover is physically gone and we can only be close with his Spirit whom we cannot touch and we cannot see. He promises though that one day we will!

Your eyes will see the king in his beauty and view a land that stretches afar. Isaiah 33:17 (NIV)

Jesus called himself our Bridegroom when he was on Earth (Matthew 9:15; John 3:29). He is pursuing a love relationship with us, a romance that will literally take our breath away

God wants to be pursued. Remember Genesis 1:27? We are made in the image of God. "In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." We bear the image of God as men and women. And it's not just in our bodies, it's in our souls. God is Spirit (John 4:24), so how we image him as men and women must be in our spirits. Like any woman, God wants to be pursued. He wants to be wanted. He wants to be desired. He wants to be worshiped. And so he wants us to play our part in this relationship:

Truly, you are a God who hides himself - Isaiah 45:15 (NASB)

And he wants us to come find him.

How hard this is though here on earth. We cannot see him, cannot touch him, embrace him, hold him, kiss him, smell him, hear his voice, hear his words, go to a coffeehouse and have coffee with him and talk for two hours and cultivate deep emotional intimacy. We are limited. And on top of that, we must deal with the world which offers us a base, albeit quick solution to our problem of desire: a watered down sinful version of what we need from our God. That morphs into all sorts of sin from pornography to random sex to deep emotional heart addictions. It's tough, there's no getting around it.

But God wants our romance. And he'll do anything to get it. Even send his Son to die and rescue us. And oh we will get our romance with him. That's what Heaven is for. One day we will marry him (Revelation 19:7-9).

“In that day,” declares the LORD,
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master. - Hosea 2:16

But until then, Jesus, our Lover, wants us to hope for him.

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? - Romans 8:24 (NIV)

If we make him our fulfillment of our hearts' desires, our Portion (Psalm 73:26), and rejoice in him, he will give us the desires of our heart in our romance with him forever (Psalm 37:4) and also in life, either here or in eternity. What we have coming with him is a wonderful love. I can only imagine trillions of years into eternity, how we will sit down as a family and look through all the memories we've had with our Beloved. And rejoice in knowing we have an eternity more of them to come.

But what of the original question? Is there sex in Heaven? Of course. Hebrews 8:5 says:

They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in heaven (NIV, in reference to the temple)

As we are images of God, earthly marriage is an image of our heavenly marriage with Jesus, so earthly intercourse is an image of the spiritual intercourse we will share in with God. The joy, the ecstasy, the utter abandonment and trust and giving of the heart and complete nakedness of earthly intercourse are an image of the ecstasy and rapture to come in the spiritual intimacy with Jesus. What is worship? Worship is all of the things above plus utter abandonment, complete adoration of the other in such an unveiled bare way that the other is lifted up as our own God as we our lost in the ecstasy and rapture of loving the other. What else does that sound like? Sex? I think the best ansewer to if there is sex in heaven is, "Yes, we will worship God in Heaven. Thank you!"

Using God's Family

We have so much impact upon each other. How much does it change your day when someone tells you something sweet, something encouraging, something loving, something just plain nice. At the far end of the spectrum, it can bring a gentle smile to our face. And at the other end, it can literally bring someone back onto a path God has set in their heart to complete. "The lips of the righteous nourish many" Proverbs 10:21 (NIV). How true is that? We don't just lack for each other in this life, we really do need each other for life to be called good by God. Remember how God said Eden wasn't right until Adam had Eve? And this isn't just about romance and love, it's friendship too. It's our love with God and our family with each other. Jesus is our Beloved and our Father. And he's the Father and Beloved of many others. We love God's children, our own brothers and sisters. "This commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also." 1 John 4:21 (NRSV) We need each other. When God made us as the body of Christ, he meant for it to be close. How much more close could it be when he writes that we are apart of his own body, that we are all one in him? We are suppose to know each other, celebrate each other, love each other. 1 Corinthians 12:25-27:

So that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. (NIV)

Unfortunately, our own Christian world is marred by separation, infighting, loneliness, and bitterness. I used to be plagued by many of these feelings myself and still struggle today. I covered over it by saying I was resilient, a warrior for Christ, and so I had to endure it to become stronger as a soldier in God's army. Which in a way is true for most of us at some time, but we cannot give way to anything other than truthfulness when it comes to our heart's desires for others and for family, God's family. For being on the inside, instead on the outside looking in. We have to let Jesus fulfill our intimate needs and relational needs. Only then will we be able to be vulnerable enough to acknowledge our desire for others and family and love as our true heart's desires are met by our Beloved and we don't have to rely on others to come through for us since Jesus already has. Perhaps not just being vulnerable, but rejoicing in the vulnerability is a better way to put it. If you've ever given yourself over to Jesus in intimacy and worship, the surrendering part of intimacy is always extremely joyful. It's this naked, unveiled, inviting place where it's God and us and our worship of him inside us is giving him spiritual kisses all over his beautiful Spirit; somehow worshiping him with our words in private, in surrender translates into our soul kissing and embracing his Spirit. It's inviting him in to be worshiped in his temple, our own bodies, personally, alone with him. It's why Jesus said when we pray, we are to go into our bedrooms and close the door and be alone with him (Matthew 6:6). It's our intimate time with him in the divine romance we partake of in his love. We daily need to allow for him to romance us and us worship him. We need his Spirit's embrace and caresses; if not, we are too tempted to stay in a place that is either stagnant or, worse, fall away from desiring our Beloved Jesus Christ.

How often we are here:



When we really should be here:



We all have our own version of headphones. [Had to throw in some 500 Days of Summer somewhere to keep it indie :) ]

Once we have him and our worship of him fulfills our heart's desires, we are free to love others and be open to others in deep relationship. And that's we need to do. (I 100% learned from my romance with Jesus how to love my wife)

As for friendships, it is similar. We need friends. We need people we can share ourselves with. With whom we feel comfortable being vulnerable and open with. We need brothers and we need sisters. We need the family of our Father. It's why Paul writes over and over in his letters how badly he wanted to be with the people in the towns he had visited. Paul loved his brothers and sisters so much that he wanted to stay alive over being with Jesus, which is so much more, and away from his body so that he could continue to pour into the younger children of God (Philippians 1:23-26). And so we read over and over as the bride of Christ grows in the letters how badly this family wants to be together. God meant for us to be a big deal to each other if loving others in this family is enough to make one of the men God chose to write part of the Bible through desire to love and grow his younger brothers and sisters here on earth instead of being in Jesus' embrace in heaven. And of course, this can be a trap for some as people can make idols out of each other and loving, Godly fellowship just as easily as making an idol out of music or TV. We are not so much a social club as we are a family and friends, and a bride caught in the torrent of the Son of God's fiery love for us. The real point, the overall big picture, I think, the Holy Spirit is trying to make through all the writing of the letters of brotherly and sisterly love and closeness of God' family is that it is really good to be close to one another. He doesn't want us to miss that because it will make us oh so happy here and now and it's the reality of life with Jesus in the future. It is so good for us in life here and now and in forever to be together that he wrote it as the second great commandment (including loving those who do not have Jesus' saving redemption).

We all know and celebrate our relationships with others/or celebrate what we would want if the world was perfect in our daydreams. It's the whole 'iron sharpens iron' thing. It's a passing of something intangible from men to men and women to women where we are given more of something of who we are. It's a passing of spiritual matter through words, fellowship, conversation, sharing, adventure, planning for the future, _____ [input what you love here]. And it's one of the ways we image the fellowship of God with himself; like the closeness of the Son with his Father. I was reading Captivating earlier and I really liked these couple parts about sisterhood:

"I love the way women are with each other. When I gather with a group of women friends, inevitably someone begins to rub someone else's back. Hair gets played with. Merciful, tender, caressing, healing touches are given...Little girls have best friends. Grown women long for them. To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all you are and all that you are not. (p. 179-180)

For women of God, this is something that is deeply needed and desired. I know that my wife needs time with her closest sister in Christ. It's refreshing and wonderful to her in a way that only could happen through their friendship. As for men, we need a brotherhood. I love sitting around with one of my brothers in Christ over a cup of coffee and talking about God and his Word; trying to figure out Jesus and celebrate his love and passion and desire for us all while drinking the strongest cup of coffee man could possibly brew. It's not anything I'd take over hanging out with my wife or family, but it is special. And it's important. We need to use God's family, for ourselves, for our souls, and definitely for each other.

Going Somewhere When It's Foggy With Our Beloved

Lately, my beautiful wife and I have been trying to figure out where God is taking us. I like James 4:13-17 about future plans:

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do land doesn’t do it, it is sin for them (NIV)

It's not so much that making plans is wrong, it's that if it's our Lover's desire that we go there with his gorgeous Spirit, then it's okay to make those plans. With graduation only months away, new opportunities abound. We both miss community. Rich, lovely community with friends that we can call brothers and sisters. And not just that whole "Brother Bill" or "Sister Jane" from the churchhouse, but friends that truly are closer than a brother or sister. I've had friendships like those, and lost them. We miss that. We miss doing things spiritually throughout our day that influences other believers and non-believers. It's all a yearning for the second great commandment.

The only problem is knowing how God will bring our lives about in the future. The future is oh so foggy. Our very close friends have a ministry in Alabama. We can't help but daydream what life would be like if we did move. What community would be possible. What friendships could begin. What changes could be made for people who do not know our beautiful Love Jesus Christ.

The biggest challenge in meteorology is knowing the future (what is the weather going to be like tomorrow?). God created the atmosphere such that there are 5 main equations which can describe how the atmosphere is at any such time. The only problem is that the equations are so complex that we cannot solve them! God really locked down the future air-tight! (The equations are called non-linear partial differential equations-PDEs- and we don't have any mathematical methods to solve them yet. In fact, if anyone where to make a proof to "solve" one of the problems, the Navier-Stokes problem, they would get $1 million dollars from the Millennium Foundation! In reality, we probably won't be able to solve this equation till probably past the End Times!)

We are still thinking/daydreaming/even looking for jobs in Alabama now for next year. If it's our Beloved's will, we will go! Of course, the weather down there is so hot. And I'm a huge fan of summer, but winter is my fav. So we'll have to take plenty of family trips up to some cabin or place in the Blue Ridge Mountains so I can still see snow :)

eg this:

Being a House Husband

It's 10:25 at night and we've had a big day of preparation. Preparing for the big holiday of Thanksgiving tomorrow. We've baked apple cakes, prepared the big family breakfast in advance for tomorrow, and cleaned, cleaned, cleaned! But in the midst of all the housework and cooking and everything else a family has to do, we fell a tad short of our goals. My wife is incredible in everything she does and she did so much for me today and our family. And since we have company coming over at 8 am, we can't put it off to finish another time. So, I'm taking the late shift, brewing up a stout cup of tea, and finishing the work load myself. (Well, I took a short break to blog)

I actually was excited to do this tonight. Not so much that I'd get a couple minutes to do some writing or even a moment of independent thought from the hectic day, but that I've begun to notice God is incredibly attracted to doing lovely things for others. He really likes it. And anyways, this all goes back to years ago. So years ago, I made the connection between good character traits, like selfless acts, pursuing someone, loving without expecting anything back with my love affair with Jesus and my love affair with my wife very quickly after we first met. My wife was attracted to me because of these spiritual traits she saw in me, and that's exactly what God is attracted to in us. Here was a question I pondered for awhile: If we are living in a love affair with God, then why is so much of the Bible (especially the New Testament) about bettering our hearts to be more like Christ? Why an 1100 page tome with only 1 book gushing about God's utter desire for intimacy with us (Song of Songs) and a lot of the rest about making our hearts like his Son's? Why not an 1100 page romantic thriller? The reason we have not figured it out is the same reason this guy below is carrying a murse (man-purse) to make himself more attractive to some poor woman out there (at least I hope that's why he's carrying it. lol):



The reason we miss the point with God in beautifying our hearts and our character traits is the reason why these guys miss the point. Women aren't attracted to men the same way men are attracted to women. In fact, improving your physical appearance is not the #1 thing a dateless dude can do to find his true love. It has a lot more to do with your heart than how much you bathed in Axe body spray this morning (again, at least let's hope that's true. There might be hope for this world then after all! lol) The heart of a Godly woman is attracted to the same thing the heart of God is attracted to. What is that? It's the fruit of the Spirit, it's 1 Corinthians 13 (remember the whole discourse on love and faithfulness). That's why the beatitudes in Matthew 5 and everything else Jesus talked about when he gave us the ethics of his Kingdom are so important. It's what he is attracted to, what he desires in us. How wonderful in relationships is bountiful knowledge in ecclectic topics like "Not Worrying About Tomorrow" (Matthew 6 :25-34) and "Judging Others" (Matthew 7:1-6) and "Pursuing The One You Love" (Matthew 7:7-8). This is good stuff! And then, when we are perfected when we are brought home to him and those attributes are fully in us, then true, true intimacy can occur with him. That's when we will finally be married to him.

“In that day,” declares the LORD,
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.' Hosea 2:16 (NIV)

God desires to be one with us. A oneness and tenderness and passion far surpassing any intimacy on earth. This is where we are going with our lives, with everything we are, our bodies, our souls, our minds. We are going to be enraptured into a diving romance where our Lover never stops blowing us kisses or quits adoring us body and soul, always whispering in our ears how much he loves and desires us. Us loving him with everything we are (fulfilling the first great commandment-worshiping our God with all our soul, mind, and strength). The Spirit chose the loveliness of the intimacy of a bridegroom and bride to describe the joy and intimacy and oneness with our Spouse when we are brought home to him to be his forever. And when we see him, we will only be able to exclaim, 'How beautiful you are, my Darling! Oh, how beautiful!' (Song of Songs 4:1)


And we will live happily ever after in his adoring arms :)

Thoughts on Friendship/Thanksgiving with the Holy Spirit/Translations

We recently went to our good friends' wedding; well, not just 'went to', my wife was the matron-of-honor. So we had our own part to play in it all. It was a beautiful wedding. The couple are both very much in love with God and are wonderful together and are two of the most Godly people we know. Rewinding 24 hours to the rehearsal dinner, we come into the theater where the dinner is being held and I immediately get a huge huge from the groom. [Insert huge guy] Where he picks me up into the air and starts shaking me. He being ~7 feet tall (his arm width twice the size of my neck; yeah, pretty sure he's done some bench presses in his lifetime) and me being ~5 foot 6 meant that I was hugging a kodiak bear. At the same time my wife immediately got caught in the torrent of bridesmaids and associated womenfolk and two seconds later I was left alone. But then I turned around to find the Christian brothers (Godly brothers, that is!) of the groom waiting to welcome me to their group discussion. They were all from Alabama and to make convo I told them how long it took me to drive from Oklahoma to Florida-it was all I could think of as I had to drive through Alabama to get to Florida. But, even after some awkward convo, it ended up being the first time in a long time that I've really felt "on the inside" with other brothers in this family of God. It was nice :)

It's worth mentioning, we all have had friendships gone awry. I've engineered too many friendships with people who never came through for me. And it's hurt my heart in the process. And through the healing from that, I've learned that it happens because of the sin of the world against the family and kingdom of God we are in and to just let forgiveness take the place of any bitterness in my heart. That was a hard task at times, but I'd like to say I'm close to being where God wants me with others. But oh how much we all want to have friendships, close fellowships, of which we can say, we are all "a chord of three strands [which] is not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12). And irregardless of this world, the next promises a richness of friendships and brotherhood and sisterhood unmatched by what we have (or haven't had) here and now. To see new friendships with people we never knew blossom and our own friendships now be carried into the Kingdom of our God in eternity will be one of the many facets of love we will have in our future with our Prince. It is one of the (many) things our hearts can hope for in life with our beautiful Love, our Jesus.

Thanksgiving is only a couple days away. Today is the last day of class (thankfully!). It's getting colder as the week goes by. An arctic air mass is scheduled to arrive ~Wednesday night and will make Thanksgiving a cold one. And the thing that makes this time more special than anything, it's not the cold air, or the hot coffee, or the Fall comfort food, or the falling leaves, it's feeling Jesus' beautiful Holy Spirit around me, talking with me, listening and waiting for me to tell him how lovely I think he is, loving him, and spending time with him with my family. I so hate to live life as if God is not apart of our family. He is! It's why he is coming from Heaven down to earth to live forever, and why our very own bodies are his temple and not some church building with angels and choirs. He's the Leader of our family, but he's our Father, and he's my Beloved, my Friend, the One I sit around and talk to because I love being with him. I feel so out of place when I don't pursue him during the day. But I'm more thankful for God's Son as our own than anything else. For his love and his desire for me. To love me, to wed me, to pursue me, to make me his own and give me his heart and a life of worshiping him forever. How perfect! And it's the battle of our lives here, to never not stop worshiping him even though our minds forget him at the drop of a hat. And also to know one day, we never will have to fight that battle again when we do live with him forever and his lover and with all our brothers and sisters in our Father's house. It will be so great to take a walk one day with my Lover Jesus, my wife, my daughter, and my brothers and sisters on that road above ^ during an autumn afternoon; then go back to our Father's house and have some apple cider by the fireplace and have a wonderful dinner. Life with him is coming soon!

The other thing was I've been reading the Bible in the original Hebrew lately. Well, the Old Testament anyway. And it's incredible. I mean, the translations we've been given from the Hebrew to our English just utterly fail the richness of God's love letters to us and our story with him from the beginning. I applaud Eugene Peterson for attempting to bridge that attempt in his version The Message, but it really is worth it to read it in depth in the original language. I'm thinking we might start a sister blog on translating some original Hebrew and Greek passages with interpretation and discussion (with great props to my dad, who knows a lot of New Testament Greek). We'll see!

The Biggest Marriage Proposal Ever to Give Everyone Their Heart's Desire

Delight yourself in Yahweh and he will give you your heart's desires - Psalm 37:4

God has set eternity in the hearts of men - Ecclesiastes 3:11

How engrained on our hearts is romance! We each desire a perfect other to be one with; to be human is to feel this. It is a central part of the heart. We as human beings are meant to live married. Like in Isaiah 62:4-5, we are meant to live one with God, one with each other and with the beauty in the natural world. We are always suppose to be in the family of God with all of our brothers and sisters, with our Father, with the Holy Spirit, and our Spouse Jesus. Life is meant to be worshipping him, one with him in deep spiritual intimacy at all times. How wonderful it will be to one day be staying up late with God at a coffeehouse in the New Jerusalem.

Jesus came here to give us good news. Not just "good" news, but news that is really, really good. Eg if you heard that Congress was discussing a bill for something that might decrease your taxes by 0.5% if you might certain "criteria" and that there was a 50% chance of it getting passed, well that's "good" news. But if you got a check for $750 in the mail because you did your taxes wrong and got a refund and could now finally go buy a new laptop, now that's good news. It's the same with Jesus and the Kingdom of God. Good news isn't that we get to sing hymns in heaven, good news is that we get to be in a rapturous romance with God, who is madly in love with us, desiring incredible intimacy with us at all times and wanting to whisk us away on a honeymoon we'll never forget and giving us every single desire our heart has ever had and never being away from our loved ones forever; now that's good news :) Heaven begins with the 24 elders, the 4 living creatures, and a plethora of angels worshipping God (Revelation 4-6). It ends with us, his bride, living together with him forever here on earth. It begins in an imperial kingdom, but it ends with the two lovers getting married. If your heart's desire is to be on a coffee date at 10 pm with God and your spouse talking about everything and anything, that's what is coming :) The first great commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Sacred romance with Jesus. Check! (even though we will never love him as much as we should here on earth) The second great commandment is to love our neighbors as ourselves. We have to tell everyone that God is so in love with them that he desires an intimate relationship with everyone and wants to give them their heart's desire in a perfect romance with him. Jesus coming here and asking us to marry him was the biggest marriage proposal ever to give everyone in the world their heart's desires. Which is just to have one Person to love as their God forever. And that is Jesus Christ.

Experimental Love/An avante-garde love with Jesus

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. Jeremiah 29:13



We live, caught between a world of baseness and a world of passion. One of sin and Satan and ourselves and one of love and God and marriage. And yet, why aren't we thinking about this? Most of the time we are caught up in ourselves, or we are caught up in some trite thing in the world. Why aren't we thinking about what's going on here? On the one hand, there is an existentialistic world bent on growing old and then dying and on the other we have this passionate God ready to marry us. It's two extremes. Except, we are playing at the existentials home field. In my Bible study with my friend we were reading Isaiah 62:4-5:

No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called My Delight Is In Her,
and your land Married;
for Yahweh will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
As a young man marries a maiden,
so will your sons marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.

That's a lot. There's enough there for a 2 hour theological discussion on that. It has to do with intimacy, a oneness far like the closest intimacy here on earth, that between a young man and his bride, which is exactly how God will rejoice over us. Not only that, but there is shalom between us and each other and us and our land, our Earth. We not only will be married to our God, but to each other and to our home, to our land. It's those things in the world that we so often feel take our breath away by their beauty, the autumn leaves, the sunset, the clouds in the sky at a time of day, these things in nature we will be married to also, even music (it's a part of our natural world; music is just waves) never to be separated from them again. Or from each other. It's completeness. It's exactly what God says when he, in Revelation 21, he finally says, "It is done." We are finally made whole and complete and we are one, not only with our Beloved Jesus, but with each other and with our world. With everything that has ever romanced our heart, we will be married to forever. It will finally be ours. And it's ours because it has been made good by our God :) Not only that, but it will be all to make us fall deeper in love with our Beloved Jesus. Remember the seraphim in Isaiah 6? They were crying holy, holy, holy to each other, not to God. They wanted to see what the other ones saw in God's beauty and celebrate him together. So it will be in the bride of Jesus. We are not just individuals madly in love with Jesus and running away to be only with him. We are together falling for him, marrying him, and beginning a life of eternity of forever and ever, happily ever after. The rich, bare intimacy with God, one of a closeness and fire in which we cry out, "Jesus, Lover of My Soul, let me to thy bosom fly" (Charles Wesley), we will one day share all together as we worship our Beloved God in a single body. Many of God's people don't have a closeness with their brothers or sisters in Christ, many God has allowed to be in isolated areas. Just remember, we are all apart of God's bride, we are together his own. We are never alone; never without God, and never without each other in Jesus' body. We can always be apart of the sacred romance that God is pursuing with us through Jesus Christ. And when we live in him, we are always made one with God and we are called to be one with each other.

How radical this is! How unknown by our world, unknown by our society. Isaiah 62:4-5 is saying marriage in this world is what will be the standard in the next. Where we are constantly being rejoiced over by our God who is rejoicing over us as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride. It's not just joy at the reception, it's the joy of the intimacy and the tenderness of the wedding night. It's this oneness in our spiritual bodies that we will have in our redemption (Romans 8, 1 Corinthians 15), that we will experience a spiritual intimacy that physical, earthly intimacy is only the shadow of. And loneliness, separation, distance, these words won't exist in eternity with us. It says as a young man marries a maiden, so your sons will marry you-not only will we have rich intimacy with God, but we will have it with each other. Like the seraphim calling to each other of how beautiful they see God and wanting to share that. It's why Jesus said that in heaven people are not married any more, but are like the angels (Matthew 22:30). Married lovers on earth will finally be one, never to be apart from each other and always one!! Amen! I can't wait for that with my wife!! Not more daily grind of getting up, going to work and school and not seeing her until I get home. Not in heaven! And even more so than that, we will live our lives in this bare intimacy together, always worshipping God and being excited to see what other lovers of God see in him. And we will take joy in each other's love for our God, and our love for each other. It will just be one big festival of love with which we will partake of forever to our heart's utter delight. That's avante-garde marriage. Marriage that's not just us and God, but us together in one body married to God, to each other, to our land, to everything in the natural world that romances our heart. And romances each other's heart. Imagine the conversations that will take place! To see and to feel something that romances someone else's heart and to experience that for yourself. How wonderful God is to be so generous in his love for us to not only give us himself, but also each other. Experimental love-it's a way of life in heaven. Where marriage is everything.

My brother and I love Isaiah 62:4-5. It's so deep. Why aren't there people down at the local coffeehouse talking about this until the wee hours of the night? If you know that it's not going on at your local coffeehouse, we'd strongly encourage beginning it :) We need someone down there hashing it out over a cup of coffee! Or taking a walk through downtown at 2am while it's raining trying to figure this out with the Spirit. It's experimental love; it's avante-garde marriage. It's the biggest marriage proposal ever to give every single person their heart's desire through Jesus Christ, our Lover, our God.

A Romance Like None Other

"Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover?" - Song of Songs 8:5

"My soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." - Psalm 63:1

I was reading my daily John Eldredge excerpt email and he was talking about how John Wesley, from way back in the day, wrote about God as his Lover. And he even wrote a hymn about him being his Lover. And how today, Lover has been replaced with Savior or Lord in the hymn. True names of God, but not exactly what was meant. It's like replacing the two in Song of Songs with Master and Servant instead of Lover and Beloved. In today's world of post-enlightenment science, we tend away from thinking of our God as our Lover, instead prefering something less intimate, but still reserving his holiness. It's a way of keeping our fig leaves on, but at the same time not taking anything away from God's perfection. But it is, because it's taking away from his love for us. And God is love.

I like how Eldredge and Curtis wrote in The Sacred Romance that the chief end of man was to know God and enjoy knowing him forever. Today, that would be thought of as going down to the Christian bookstore and getting a book on God's attributes. Fail! Knowing God is what we will do forever in Heaven, but it will be like Adam knowing Eve intimately in the Garden. That's the knowing meant here with our God. He desires us. Yes, it's a great mystery. Paul even said that (Ephesians 5:32), but it's everything we've ever wanted or desired in our hearts, soul, bodies, and minds. It's all in him. The One who wants to be our Lover. He promises to give us a romance like none other in our lives. He wants to rock our world! And he will do it. That doesn't necessarily mean becoming an apostle and going overseas or handing out soup under the freeway (although those are certainly wonderful works of love and badly needed), it means he wants intimacy with us. He wants "us" time with us. The same intimacy, for those of you married, that you want with your spouse. Oneness. Physical intimacy is a shadow of what intimacy God desires with us. So is the sweet emotional and mental intimacy in marriage. It's all about oneness with our God, because only then do we worship him with all of our mind, soul, and strength which is the first commandment. God wants that between us and him. God wants us to desire him, to want him. And when we do, and we rejoice in his complete, bare love, we find ourselves getting our heart's desires by finally having our One True Love, the Perfect One everyone is searching for in this world who completes them in ways that no one can. The secret to that, is that it's God. And that's how marriage images our relationship with God. Both are a romance like none other in history, the present, or the future. It's forever and always with our Beloved Jesus Christ. And as we live in a spiritual desert, he can't wait to come and rescue us and take us home into the oasis of his love when we find ourselves in rapture in his arms in the clouds, at one perfect and stolen moment in time some day soon.

John 1

So my wife finally got me to listen to The White Album. She's a huge Beatles fan, which she got from her dad. And so we were all three having dinner tonight and talking about how I'm a Beatles fan now. It's good stuff, but then any music about social rebellion, insurrection, and counterculturalism I tend to gravitate to. And in other news, my God finally got me to read the Bible (just kidding). But I do tend toward certain parts in the Bible more than others, certain verses, certain books, etc. And I recently have felt like I fall short of having eyes and ears to see and hear the divine romance with Yahweh God in his Word, who is Jesus Christ. I feel like Israel sometimes when Paul told off the leaders of the Jews in Acts 28 and how they were blind and deaf and couldn't understand. But as my wife and I and one of my close brothers in Christ have talked about, it's in him and through faith in him that we approach God with freedom and confidence (Ephesians 3:12). Paul even said at the even of Ch. 7, 1 Corinthians, that I too think that I have the Spirit (out of all people, Paul had to write that he thought he had the Spirit as well as other believers did-he had his dry times with God). We come to Jesus in two parts: 1) in his Spirit, and 2) in our faith in him. Perhaps, it is the faith we are forced to perfect during dry times that he will never leave us even if we don't feel him near to us that we must use as our faith in our Beloved that comprises the part 2) in approaching our God.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made...The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:1-2,14 (NIV)

The Word, our Lover Jesus Christ. He is our love letter from our God. How badly deep down we desire him and true life with him. To be the couple with him having black & white photo moments all day long to put in the scrap book of eternity. To hear him laugh and smile in our arms. Worship. It's worship. Life is worship and that's what this divine romance with God is. It's falling in love with him and worshiping him and one day knowing we will have these types of moments with him all day forever, like that couple above learning the guitar. It's why marriage is the reflection of our relationship with God in eternity. It's why God says, "In that day," declares Yahweh, "you will call me my Husband; you will no longer call me my Master." Hosea 2:16

God wants to fulfill our heart's desires. Psalm 37:4 - delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you your heart's desires. That doesn't mean be happy about God, read your Bible and he will give you your spouse and family and life will be good. That's not a verse about prosperity, it's a verse about falling in love with our Heavenly Lover. When you delight in your Beloved, you have your heart's desires fulfilled. That's marriage :) And look what we have coming to us when he returns: our wedding to him (Revelation 19:7-10), and then our beautiful city to live in, the New Jerusalem, which will prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. All the imagery, all the verses and hope and vision is pointing to one thing, our marriage with our God. It's all about love, because our God is love (1 John 4:8). One day, we'll walk through the New Jerusalem on a date with our Jesus, laughing, loving, playing guitar, holding each other and wearing the coolest, most indie shades ever through the entire time (trading off as the day goes on). The tree of life is there, so is there a great river coming out of his throne that will go through the city and we'll hang out there in his arms watching the waves go by. And in him, in love, we will reign for ever and ever (22:5). Where will we reign? In his heart. It's what we really want: a love neverending with the desire of our hearts, our Beloved.

And we will live happily ever after, forever and ever, with our Beloved Jesus Christ, our Father, His beautiful Spirit, and our entire family of brothers and sisters, in paradise.

Beginning again!/Honeymooning with Jesus in Martha's Vineyard

It's been over a month since I last blogged :( I really felt it was time for me to back off for awhile on blogging and whether that was God or me, I'm not sure. Me and God went through some interesting times. But everything is wonderful, as always :) I had gone through a dry time with God and my wife said I did things differently, just normal things in the day because I physically missed him. It was one of the sweetest things to hear. But, I do wish I had blogged more and am ready to begin again!

I was so taken tonight by how beautiful God is; Yahweh God is gorgeous. And through his Son Jesus who came in the flesh and died for us, we can live a romance with him. One that is forever and neverending. I love the dialogue we can have with our Beloved, if only our hearts are open to him and worshiping him with all we are

'How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O Love, with your delights!'
'I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.'
'...at our door is every delicacy, new and old, that I have stored up for you, my lover.'
Song of Songs 7:6,10,13

He desires a romance with us, one where we are so captivated by him that the only thing we can do is completely ache down to our muscles and our bones, physically aching to be with him, while we wait for his return. And in the aching we worship him and love him and desire him.

How wonderful it would be, truly, to just to do what we want to hear him whisper in our ears: "Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom-there I will give you my love." Song of Songs 7:11-12 (NIV)

It's like a couple running away to a cottage B&B in Martha's Vineyard, drinking a glass of wine at sunset watching the Atlantic settle into nighttime with a fire going in the fireplace in the background with the crackling of the wood that's burning and the cold easterly breeze coming in over the porch and then drawing the blinds on a nighttime outside that gives love and passion new meaning and then waking up and loving each other and then going out for a walk in the nearby vineyard and knowing each other and loving each other and driving out to the Berkshires mountains and sharing a picnic and holding each other and living fully in God and then coming back and doing everything again in the next beautiful New England day.

He wants to be our Everything, not our something we give 20 minutes a day too. He wants true worship, he wants our hearts to be fully his. Not anyone else's, nor anything else's. It's the reason he tells us to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17) because he never wants to not hear us talking to him and telling him how much we love him and how crazy we are about him and how much we desire him and how we badly want and need him all around us and to never be away from us ever again and to just jump into his embrace and raise our hands up around him and pull him close never to let go.

Apple Cider and Snow and God's Warm Embrace

So, we just had this big cold front come through Oklahoma. And it was great! :) Not that it won't be warm again before the year is over, but it felt so nice to have a taste of autumn. We had another married couple over who is part of our small group, Jake and Kelly, for dinner. Kayla made this really good alfredo chicken. Then we played Imaniff, a really fun board game that is a lot like Apples-to-Apples if you've ever played that one before. We watched the thunderstorms roll in over us and rain hard over our house. The wind picked up too. It was just a good time.

Autumn is coming fast and so is winter. We had apple cider last night which was really good. I can't wait until it looks like this outside:



Hopefully, it won't be too long!

We are in an interesting place right now. God has been just raining down opportunities for after I graduate. Job offers, grad schools, whatnot. Right now we're down to three options, either Oklahoma, Colorado, or Alabama. And I was talking with my uncle the other day who is maybe going to Pennsylvania for a job, but is in a similar situation, and we both agreed, God's will for us will be obvious. Maybe not at first, but what he wants for us is what will happen as long as we wait on him and pursue the options he gives us.

Jesus is just beautiful. He's gorgeous and incredible and wonderful. I can't wait to look at him and be able to say, "Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me." (Song of Songs 6:5) I really can't wait until he is here and he physically shares this time with us, autumn, winter, Christmas (it is his 'birthday'). I miss him as my Lover that went away and I can only wait every day for him to return. Life is like the parable of the ten virgins (Matthew 25). How I long for my Beloved to finally come to the wedding hall to marry me! I do not always bring oil with me though to keep my lamp lit. But what is that anyways? What is the oil? Is it us just having hope and "on the look out" for his return? Yes, but I think also it's how we burn for him. Like the seraphim in Isaiah chapter 6. One interpretation of their name means "to burn" in Hebrew which is derived from the burning from the poison of a bite from a serpent. That's exactly what it feels like in spiritual intimacy with God. Like what Jeanne Guyon wrote, "I slept not that whole night, because Thy love, oh my Lord, flowed in me like delicious oil." That's what it is like when in spiritual intimacy with Jesus. It's this burning feeling like hot oil all over and he is just so close and intimate and you can almost feel his breath and you can just listen to his voice say, "I love you. I want you. You are so incredible to me. I desire you." That's how I think we should be waiting for our Love to return. Burning with him in intimacy with his Spirit. Close, joyful, wonderful intimacy in his embrace. He is our God. He is our Lover. And he is coming home anytime now :)

Our Glory, Our Secret

I get these daily readings from John Eldredge. And I love them :) I got this one a couple weeks ago that was titled "Nakedness Indeed." And I wanted to read an excerpt from it:

The deeper reason we fear our own glory is that once we let others see it, they will have seen the truest us, and that is nakedness indeed. We can repent of our sin. We can work on our "issues." But there is nothing to be "done" about our glory. It's so naked. It's just there-the truest us.

We have this secret inside of us, each one of us. We are all images of God. And that is an amazing thing. So often we just lose ourselves in our Beloved without looking at ourself, but God is putting us through the fire over and over to purify us and make us like his Son Jesus, our Lover (Ephesians 2:6-10). We are important. The image of God is important. Our very bodies are his temple. (1 Corinthians 6:19) But we so often hide ourselves. Hidden under the daily grind of life, past wounds, years of disregard to our hearts, and a life deadened by service, we find that when we uncover ourselves before God, we feel a nakedness we never knew before. It's a joyful one though and under it there is the impulse to just run and jump into God's embrace. To let God actually enjoy us for who we are, not for anything else. But just us. That's what it is like to jump completely naked into his arms. And it is incredible joyful. It's also scary at the same time. We feel vulnerable in ways we never knew before. Our defenses are completely gone. As Eldredge once wrote, my fig leaf feels so sheer before him. And God not only wants us to live from our heart, our image of him to himself, but also to others. We must live from our glory from God in our heart to others. And this requires a great deal of vulnerability. We have to take risk, but it's worth the risk. In the Garden, we were meant to live naked, uncovered for our glory to be seen. This has as much to do with clothes as it does with our heart and soul, because we were made to live with our hearts uncovered to let our souls reflect God's image to everyone.

In Isaiah 6, Isaiah is in Heaven watching the seraphim fly around Jesus. And as they fly around him, they call out, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." (Is 6:3. NIV). But they are not calling to God. They are calling out to each other. They want to tell each other what they see of God's beauty. And share God with one another. Their lives are centered on Jesus and they want to give to one another what they see of Jesus. And that gives them joy. The same should be of our glory to each other. We have a great secret inside of us. We must share it to one another. Because our secret is God's glory inside of us. We are all image bearers.

If you've ever read The Secret Garden as a child you will immediately connect that with our glory being revealed. It's a wonderful book and I highly recommend it :)

Freeing Our Hearts in Our Beloved

I love Grapevine Fires by Death Cab for Cutie. I was listening to it one morning when I was working on my math homework. And I felt God, my sweet Lover, just holding me tight. Loving me. Sharing kisses with me and just being close. Me and God just have such a wonderful love story. And it's years and years later since I met him and fell for him. And I've just had to worship him ever since.

There's a lot to say about being free in our hearts to love our God. My biggest one is that I am actually a traveler in a foreign land and not living here in this town. Even though this is where I met my wife, where we got married, where we got our first house, had our first child. It's all passing away anyways. And now there is a good opportunity for us in Alabama and it's possible we might move there next year. And I'm scared because I don't want to lose what this place means to us. It's hard to learn some lessons in our hearts because what God really wants from us, is completely needing him. Not to be fulfilled partly in where we live. Our "comfort zone." But he wants us to make our home his heart. And his Father's house. He wants us to crave to have him to keep near to us on cold nights and lonely days. And especially to crave him when everything is going perfect. Life is just perfect for us right now and God really, really wants me to want him irregardless of life's ups and occasional downs.

Of course he does! He wants to be our Lover, our Spouse one day. He wants to be desired just like anyone else in a relationship. I love how John Eldredge once wrote that how women bear the image of God in their desire to be pursued. It's the same with God. Is it any wonder that God wants to be worshiped and desired and pursued? Of course not!

As far as he is concerned with everything else in our hearts that is not centered on us with him, I think the best lines can come from Death Cab or Coldplay:

We watched the plumes paint the sky gray....there I knew I'd be alright - Death Cab. Grapevine Fires.

Oh I'm going to buy this place and start a fire. Stand here until I fill all your heart's desires. Coldplay. A Rush of Blood to the Head.

And that's just what Jesus says he will do to get our hearts in Hosea 2, to get us to be his beloved:

Therefore I will block her paths with thornbushes; I will wall her in so she cannot find her way....Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her....In that day declares the LORD, "You will call me 'my Husband;' you will no longer call me 'my Master.'" Hosea 2:6,14,16. NIV


Our God is alluring us to be his beloved. To give us our heart's desires if we just delight in him. In his beauty and his strength. He is our perfect Lover. Go for it with him today!! And find the love you've always wanted with Jesus.