Our Glory, Our Secret

I get these daily readings from John Eldredge. And I love them :) I got this one a couple weeks ago that was titled "Nakedness Indeed." And I wanted to read an excerpt from it:

The deeper reason we fear our own glory is that once we let others see it, they will have seen the truest us, and that is nakedness indeed. We can repent of our sin. We can work on our "issues." But there is nothing to be "done" about our glory. It's so naked. It's just there-the truest us.

We have this secret inside of us, each one of us. We are all images of God. And that is an amazing thing. So often we just lose ourselves in our Beloved without looking at ourself, but God is putting us through the fire over and over to purify us and make us like his Son Jesus, our Lover (Ephesians 2:6-10). We are important. The image of God is important. Our very bodies are his temple. (1 Corinthians 6:19) But we so often hide ourselves. Hidden under the daily grind of life, past wounds, years of disregard to our hearts, and a life deadened by service, we find that when we uncover ourselves before God, we feel a nakedness we never knew before. It's a joyful one though and under it there is the impulse to just run and jump into God's embrace. To let God actually enjoy us for who we are, not for anything else. But just us. That's what it is like to jump completely naked into his arms. And it is incredible joyful. It's also scary at the same time. We feel vulnerable in ways we never knew before. Our defenses are completely gone. As Eldredge once wrote, my fig leaf feels so sheer before him. And God not only wants us to live from our heart, our image of him to himself, but also to others. We must live from our glory from God in our heart to others. And this requires a great deal of vulnerability. We have to take risk, but it's worth the risk. In the Garden, we were meant to live naked, uncovered for our glory to be seen. This has as much to do with clothes as it does with our heart and soul, because we were made to live with our hearts uncovered to let our souls reflect God's image to everyone.

In Isaiah 6, Isaiah is in Heaven watching the seraphim fly around Jesus. And as they fly around him, they call out, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." (Is 6:3. NIV). But they are not calling to God. They are calling out to each other. They want to tell each other what they see of God's beauty. And share God with one another. Their lives are centered on Jesus and they want to give to one another what they see of Jesus. And that gives them joy. The same should be of our glory to each other. We have a great secret inside of us. We must share it to one another. Because our secret is God's glory inside of us. We are all image bearers.

If you've ever read The Secret Garden as a child you will immediately connect that with our glory being revealed. It's a wonderful book and I highly recommend it :)

Freeing Our Hearts in Our Beloved

I love Grapevine Fires by Death Cab for Cutie. I was listening to it one morning when I was working on my math homework. And I felt God, my sweet Lover, just holding me tight. Loving me. Sharing kisses with me and just being close. Me and God just have such a wonderful love story. And it's years and years later since I met him and fell for him. And I've just had to worship him ever since.

There's a lot to say about being free in our hearts to love our God. My biggest one is that I am actually a traveler in a foreign land and not living here in this town. Even though this is where I met my wife, where we got married, where we got our first house, had our first child. It's all passing away anyways. And now there is a good opportunity for us in Alabama and it's possible we might move there next year. And I'm scared because I don't want to lose what this place means to us. It's hard to learn some lessons in our hearts because what God really wants from us, is completely needing him. Not to be fulfilled partly in where we live. Our "comfort zone." But he wants us to make our home his heart. And his Father's house. He wants us to crave to have him to keep near to us on cold nights and lonely days. And especially to crave him when everything is going perfect. Life is just perfect for us right now and God really, really wants me to want him irregardless of life's ups and occasional downs.

Of course he does! He wants to be our Lover, our Spouse one day. He wants to be desired just like anyone else in a relationship. I love how John Eldredge once wrote that how women bear the image of God in their desire to be pursued. It's the same with God. Is it any wonder that God wants to be worshiped and desired and pursued? Of course not!

As far as he is concerned with everything else in our hearts that is not centered on us with him, I think the best lines can come from Death Cab or Coldplay:

We watched the plumes paint the sky gray....there I knew I'd be alright - Death Cab. Grapevine Fires.

Oh I'm going to buy this place and start a fire. Stand here until I fill all your heart's desires. Coldplay. A Rush of Blood to the Head.

And that's just what Jesus says he will do to get our hearts in Hosea 2, to get us to be his beloved:

Therefore I will block her paths with thornbushes; I will wall her in so she cannot find her way....Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her....In that day declares the LORD, "You will call me 'my Husband;' you will no longer call me 'my Master.'" Hosea 2:6,14,16. NIV


Our God is alluring us to be his beloved. To give us our heart's desires if we just delight in him. In his beauty and his strength. He is our perfect Lover. Go for it with him today!! And find the love you've always wanted with Jesus.

Irregardless

I'm listening to Coldplay's Parachutes album. I love this. It's so rainy day, hanging out, not going outside but just spending time together kind of album. Today is my sabbath and it's going to be awesome!! :) I have ZERO things planned except spending time with my beautiful God, my wife, and our daughter. We're going to the farmer's market, then we have no idea what's next. But whatever it is, it's not going to be a lot! I'm so excited to jump back into a day alone in the pool of God's love. I love sabbaths, because we get the entire time just to be with our Beloved.

Last night we had Kayla's best girlfriend Ava over for dinner. She's getting married to this really awesome man of God Josh and they have had a story togetehr a lot like me and Kayla's. It was really fast and completely written by God and that's really similar to me and my wife. We got engaged 3 1/2 months after we first met each other. We knew right from the beginning we were soul mates. And that's what it is like from God.

BUT, there have been a lot of other Christians who honestly, think they know more about love. And we had to deal with those people, and know that's it not fun having a ton of people disapprove because they think "it's too fast" or some other crap like that. URG! That makes me so mad! First off, yes, I'm venting. But two, God writes love stories differently for everyone. Three, me and my wife have an AWESOME, INCREDIBLE, fantastic marriage and so they were wrong about us. Four, when you wait on God, you will have an AMAZING marriage and love story with your fiance. Guaranteed. Because he is our God and he will give us our heart's desires if we delight in him (Psalm 37:4). And lastly, five, a lot of Christians think they know more than others. They think they are wiser, maybe because they have "experience" or are slightly older, or they are in leadership positions, but it's false. Everything is by God, for him and of him. And nothing is apart from him. Especially love. Because God is love. Simple. So, quick summary, don't ever listen to anyone tell you that your love story from God is wrong or should be a different way. My wife and I did it "all wrong" according to them, and we are GREAT! :) And if you are waiting on God to bring you your spouse, it is worth it!!! You will have everything your heart desires one day! And if God doesn't bring you someone here, you will have your Lover in Heaven!! We never lose in our beautiful wonderful Lord Jesus Christ. AMEN!!! And if you're still waiting on God for your spouse, I just want to encouragement you and commend you! Good job!! It's worth it!! and falling in love with Jesus through the process as your True Lover is amazing!!

Those are just some of my thoughts on love through and with God. I don't think we should ever be inhibited when we are free in Jesus. Never. Live life fully with God every second of your life!! Live, love!! Fall madly in love with God and then share it with others :) He's too beautiful and perfect not too.

Worship: Kissing God and Rainy Day Socks

I was talking with my wife about worship the other day and she said, 'Did you know that worship means to kiss God?' I had no idea! But it makes perfect sense. We are having our first intrusion of fall into Oklahoma. It's pouring down rain and the days of 100 degree highs look about over. I've been going through a storm myself with God. It's been hard to be near to him. I find myself sometimes so in need of him that the only thing I can do is get on my knees and just beg him. Beg him for nearness, for closeness, for his embrace, for forgiveness just for being me. I need him. Bad. Last Saturday, I decided to put off my Sabbath until Sunday. And I was outside walking near the garden and I looked up and just could see God walking toward me. Beautiful, gorgeous as always. But sad and upset that I didn't spend the day with him, my Beloved. And I understood in a new way Jesus dying could bring me completely back to God. Incredible. Truly, without Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection, there is no hope for anyone. Jesus Christ is the only way to God. And it's not like we don't already know that, but it's sweet to live it in my own life in relationship with God.

It's a rainy day. And I've felt like it's been rainy inside for a couple days now. So what do we do with our God when it's rainy outside? We stay indoors and play! He loves us so much! And adores every bit of us. When it's a rainy day, we just kiss him, worship him. Love him. We put on our rainy day socks and our pj's and just lounge around with our Lover, our Best Friend, playing games, cuddling, kissing, talking. Life can be hard, let's face it. And when it does get difficult, we can either fall into hopelessness, bitterness, anger, and despair. Or we can just cuddle up with our Love and kiss the rainy day away.

The Fireplace in Our Father's House is So Comfortable

Today, we had our third small group. It went really, really well. We had 7 people including me and Kayla. And we talked about God over chips and salsa and a fruit plate and it was just great. So many times, Christians just beg and beg inside for this fellowship and family of our brothers and sisters that is perfect and everybody has this awesome relationship and closeness with God. That's not real. We are in the world to bring others to God and at the same time build things from the ground up. That's what our community is. It's building up something eternal and forever that can last into the time when we are all together in the Father's house and life is perfect with him. And that is awesome to be apart of. To actually grow with others into how we image Jesus. Not just to come together as already perfected, but to help perfect each other in the Holy Spirit.

We prayed that Jesus would give us a small group, a community of people we could share God together with and share ourselves with in him in his family. And within three weeks, our group went from us, to 4 people, to 7 people. And next week, 9-10 people :) Thank you Jesus, our Beloved.

As the season turns to autumn, then winter, I just can't get away from feeling, from desiring more than anything and reminded every second by the cold winds outside, that one day we will be snug with our Father and our Beloved Jesus and his Holy Spirit on the couch by the warm fire in the living room in his house as the snow comes down outside. And until then, we will all be together with his Spirit as the seasons turn from the hot summer to the cool fall. We have a wonderful life with our beloved Jesus :) And I'm so excited to fall in love with him with others now. To watch our brothers and sisters grow up in God with us, that's going to be something that will be eternal. Just like how Paul and the apostles felt when they were apart of their churches and their families.

Happy With God

First, I'm really sorry for not blogging for almost a week! Kayla and I are taking this online jazz class right now and it's completely taking up our time. The spiritual warfare has picked up along with the extra work. It's like Satan can't wait to get out in the field where we plow and throw some rocks at us. He makes me sick. Anyways, I will try to blog regularly and not spasm out for a week. I have learned the complete lesson that the most effective thing to fight spiritual warfare with is relaxing in God's arms while he showers me with his love. Nothing is a more powerful weapon than God's love for us. Especially when Satan starts throwing the condemnations toward us. God is gorgeous. He is so beautiful. Yesterday, I read part of Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. The excerpt was Eldredge talking about how he asked God to tell him his name, to tell him what he thought of him and how much he meant to him. I wanted it after I read it! And this early morning I was worshiping Jesus and I asked him what I was to him, what my name was. Oh he told me! :) He told me I was his lover, the one he wakes up with on Sunday mornings and hangs out with on wintry, snow-filled days talking over coffee and cider. And the one he wants to go swimming with and spend forever with. It was so special to me. It was a foretaste of the white stone he will give us with our new name when he takes us home to be with him (Revelation 2:17). If you have never asked God what you mean to him, ask him! We all need to know what our Beloved thinks of us and how he sees us and for that to be our identity. Not anything else besides that. It also helps in spiritual warfare because Satan and his fallen angels cannot "get to us" by manipulating us into listening to his lies of condemnation and self-hatred he tries to instill in us. We should be happy with God!

So my wife's close sister in Christ, Ava, is getting married soon. And she is going to be the maid of honor! She's so excited to help plan it. I mean we're talking going through bridal magazines and websites at the crack of dawn, hitting up Hobby Lobby for the most special deals you can get, seemingly non-stop texting about what the colors will be, who's doing the catering, where the venue will be, and a zillion other things. Man, I miss that. The whole thing has made me think about when me and my Kayla girl were planning our own wedding. We did all of those same things. Plus we spent so much time looking for our home. It was magical.

Maybe you've been there and done that exact same thing and miss it too. Or maybe you've never had the chance because of God's will. But either way, I want to share this: I had to relearn something lately: That's exactly what God has planned for us! Every detail will be perfect. We're marrying Jesus and he's building us a home!!! And it's going to be incredible. Never lose heart that one day we will be with him and experience life to the fullest every moment for ever and ever. Our wedding to him will be perfect. Our marriage to him will rock! And we will live forever in the Father's house with our beloved and our entire family. It's going to be great!!

Home in God

My friend and I were talking about economics last night. How the world's economics are based on worth and assets and things being traded for one another. And then how in heaven the only thing that would have worth above value of everything else is just God. And then we have an infinite amount of him :) and there we give and share and reveal what we know about him and discover in each other more of him because we are his image bearers. How wonderful it will be to live in such a world with God! To live with Jesus who loves us oh so much, but at the same time to see him in everyone and for that to be our work and our joy and our pleasure. I see God so much in my wife. I see his incredible beauty in her as a gorgeous landscape reflecting in a still mountain lake. And in heaven, we will be perfected as images of him. We will live in a world of mirrors. All reflecting the beauty and strength of God.

I feel I've had so much exposure to beauty, but barely even know or understand it. Beauty is something that none of us can live without. Men pursue it in their wives. Women exist in it, but struggle with how much of it they have in themselves. It is the very glory of God. Nothing else in creation cuts to the heart like beauty does. Nothing at all. Even a breathtaking landscape has touches of it in itself, but honestly does not measure up to the way women embody God's beauty. Any man will know what I mean when I say that beauty can arrest a man's heart faster than anything else. For good or else. But for good here is what I mean. Is that God's beauty is truly holy, truly special. It's no wonder that men are admonished in the Bible to treat other women in the church as sisters and with all respect. God put his holy beauty into them so that he might reveal more of himself. I want my daughter to grow up knowing she is beautiful because she is an image of God and for that to be her identity. Not some commercial about having great skin tone or some smutty magazine at the checkout counter. The world and Satan and his angels know that cannot destroy God or smear his beauty, but they sure do everything they can do to destroy the images of his beauty. How jealous he must be?! I can see him just looking at my wife or daughter and feeling like a wicked step mother all angry because they could never be beautiful like them and just hates them for it. And their solution? Seduce women into believing his lies. 1) They don't image God, 2) beauty is contained solely in the media or in industry, and 3) make them seriously doubt whether or not they could ever be beautiful even with all the known commercial products available to them. We are coming home to God. And we believe, no we know, we image him. Daughters of God should know they are beautiful because they image him. That's what I want my daughter to believe.

Warrior

The the angel who was speaking to me came forward and said to me, "Look up and see what this is that is appearing." I asked, "What is it?" He replied, "It is a measuring basket." And he added, "This is the iniquity of the people throughout the land." Then the cover of lead was raised, and there in the basket sat a woman! He said, "This is wickedness," and he pushed her back into the basket and pushed the lead cover down over its mouth. Then I looked up-and there before me were two women, with the wind in their wings! They had wings like those of a stork, and they lifted up the basket between heaven and earth. "Where are they taking the basket?" I asked the angel who was speaking to me. He replie, "To the country of Babylonia to build a house for it. When it is ready, the basket will be set there in its place."

Zechariah 5:5-11 (NIV)

Last night, I was brutalized by a fallen angel and demons. I let them get to me. I refused to calm down and rest in Jesus' love. It was late at night and I was doing homework for this Jazz class I'm taking and I couldn't get out of my mind this evil being. And he just threw fear and pain at me. Over and over. I heard the voices in my mind accusing me, "You're a failure. You're a failure as a husband. You're a horrible dad. You sicken me and you don't know God. You know yourself and that's it." And you know those times when you absolutely know it's God, but you just keep listening to the accusations? This was one of them. I felt scared. I am God's beloved. The desire of his heart. When I'm in his love, evil angels can't do anything to me. But I refused to go to him.

But then I fought back. I heard a song that I really liked. It was The Catalyst by Linkin Park. I know, I know, it's Linkin Park. But it was okay to listen to it. And I could just imagine the spiritual war raging around me. Trying to get to me, to destroy me. I could feel God's angels fighting against the fallen angels and the war horribly going on. A brutal, terrible war. Filled with hate. I hate evil. I hate them. I absolutely hate them And if I could, like get ahold of a demon or fallen angel, I would do terrifying things to it. Look at the sin they've enticed humanity into. And the horrific things the earth is filled with. They have a lake of fire prepared for them by God to be tortured in, forever ever after.

I started thinking about my daughter. I thought about how they want her. And how I'm her earthly protector under her Heavenly Father. I felt the angel warriors protecting her. Most of all, above everything and everyone, I felt the Holy Spirit protecting her. I thought about what will happen when she grows up and some greasy teenage boy thinks he can do whatever he wants with her. Not gonna happen. I'm going to fight for her, fight for her future marriage and her husband from God. I'll fight and fight and fight till the very last drop of blood and energy is taken from me. Till my spirit is drained. I'll fight for her. To fight is to live in God's refuge and his love for us in this war. To put on his armor and stand on the frontlines. To take territory from Satan and his evil angels and the demons. We are on a collision course with God returning to take what's his from evil and fallen beings. Angels and humans. It's all his. And we just have to last until we are in his arms. We'll take Satan's shots and let them fall by the wayside. As William Shakespeare wrote:

Cry havoc! And let slip the dogs of war. From Julius Caesar.

Everywhere the war rages. People are hurting everywhere. Let's fight and push back darkness in this war. And bring God's love and healing and restoration to those captured by the world and by Satan and his angels. Victory in this world is soon.

Fallen! Fallen is Babylon the Great which made all the nations drink the maddening wine of her adulteries. - The second angel flying in the sky. Revelation 14:8 (NIV)

Roses

'I am a Rose of Sharon, a Lily of the Valleys.'

'Like a Lilly among thorns is my Darling among the maidens.'

'Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade and his fruit is sweet to my taste.' Song of Songs 2:1-3

Jesus is our refuge. And not just our place to hide from the storm and make us feel good. But if you're married, you know your spouse is literally an oasis from the weight of the week. Jesus is the same. He is our beautiful rose and apple tree among the week, among the people, among the songs and work and school and everything and everyone else. No one can love us as passionately as he can. He desires us so badly and wants us to sit in his shade all day enjoying him. God never said it would be easy living in this world. Most of his closes friends and companions that were his while he was on earth either died horribly or were exiled. Following our beautiful sweet Jesus leads us to the cross. But we are also led to a marriage with our Beloved Jesus forever and ever. How wonderful to have a Beloved who will and has died for us. Poured out everything he has in order to save us and keep us and woo us to be his own.

He is our God and our Everything. Forever and ever. God be near to you this week and this Monday. It's always hard starting up another week, but when we have a wonderful Jesus who is like a pool of cool water on a hot day or a lovely bed of roses to lie on when tired, he wants us in every moment of this week to be intimate with him and lie in his embrace.

Everything Fades Off In His Embrace

I told my wife yesterday, after a hard week, "I really, really hope people who are not in love with God get psychoanaylsis. I'm 100% sure on that." Laughing she said, "How come?" "Because I am so messed up and when I had really close love time with God this morning he took it all away . But what about people who don't have God? They need analysis!" "Why don't they just become Christians too?" "Well, I mean, these are the people who would never become a Christian." "OH! Ok, alright, i can see that."

Whenever I just am going under the waters of my day, or week, there is one way to always, always get rid of it all. Worship Jesus and get into his loving embrace. Fast. He takes away our entire load for us; he unhooks our yolk and gives us the yolk of a lover relationship with him as our identity. When we trade in his kisses for anything else, life blossoms. Love blossoms and comes alive in him. Because he is love. He is God.

One tool we need to stay in his love is his hope. Hoping that one day it will be us and Jesus on a beach at sunset kissing. "Kissing you is more delicious than drinking the finest wine. How wonderful and tasty!" Song of Songs 7:9. To be entirely his and to live every moment of every day in his gaze and embrace. One with him at every moment. To God, we are the desire of his heart. The one he wants to marry, to love, to live with forever, to embrace and be one with. When we let this become our entire identity, we change and this world just burns off in his embrace. We need to be lost in joy being with our Lover, our Lord Jesus Christ. We need the thought of being near to him to make our heart race and to give us trembles.

Jesus knocks at our heart every day to come in to be intimate with us and be worshipped by us.

Listen! I am standing and knocking at your door. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in and we will eat together (Revelation 3:20)

'Let the north wind blow, the south wind too! Let them spread the aroma of my garden, so the one I love may enter and taste its delicious fruits.' 'My bride, my very own, I come to my garden and enjoy its spices. I eat my honeycomb and honey; I drink my wine and milk. Eat and drink until you are drunk with love.' Song of Songs 4:16-5:1 (CEV)

When we let him in, we get our heart's desires. We get to indulge and take great delight in a romance where we worship our Heavenly Lover.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you your heart's desires. Psalm 37:4

And this is exactly what God is longing for with us. He wants to rejoice over us as his lover. He wants us, bad.

As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so your God will rejoice over you. Isaiah 62:5 (NIV)

In His Eyes and Mind

In the Son of God's eyes, we are perfect. We are his heart's desire; we are the one he dreams about being with. From the beginning of time, we were destined to be his (Ephesians 1:5). He greatly desires us beyond anything. And forever, he wants to be one with us. Us completely worshipping him. He wants that right now. Intimately. Personally. In us. He wants us to be his. He wants our bodies to be his temple. He wants us to get flutters in our heart when we feel him inside of us. He wants to be the one we cannot get off of our mind, regardless of what we do to look the other way. And every single day, he watches us. Loves us. Is so excited for when his Father says he can come to be with us. He is our Heavenly Lover. He is our God.

Today, worship him. Alone. And give him all of yourself. Submit to him, surrender to him. The joy of surrender to Jesus is incredible. Alone, jump up and down in joy and celebrate him. Tell him how you really feel about him. Let him tell you how he really feels about you. Fall deeper in love with him. Or if you haven't yet, fall in love with him. Meet your Invisible Beloved, who desires you and wants to be inside you loving you, never separated from you, always with you, and fall in love with him. He loves you more than anything. He wants you to fall for him. To desire him. He will do anything for you. He already has :) And through the loving and worship and enjoyment of Jesus, give that love to others. Help those in need. Love your neighbor, your friend, those in trouble, those who need help. And those who say they don't. Let them see Jesus' love in you and maybe they will fall for him also.

God is love. 1 John 4:8

In Love

Jesus and us; this love story between God and us was written by John of the Cross which I believe was supposed to be a Spanish free-form version of Song of Songs (the full version can be found here: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/john_cross/canticle.html) I hope this helps you be near to our Beloved God today. Like kissing him in the middle of a street in Turin (like these two above ^)

Spiritual Canticle of the Soul and the Bridegroom, John of the Cross

Stanzas 24-26, 28-32

Our bed is of flowers

By dens of lions encompassed,

Hung with purple,

Made in peace,

And crowned with a thousand shields of gold.

In your footsteps

The young ones run Your way;

At the touch of the fire

And by the spiced wine,

the divine balsam flows.

In the inner cellar

Of my Beloved have I drunk; and when I went forth

Over all the plain

I knew nothing,

And lost the flock I followed before.

My soul is occupied,

And all my substance in His service;

Now I guard no flock,

Nor have I any other employment;

My sole occupation is love.

If, then, on the common land

I am no longer seen or found,

You will say that I am lost;

That, being enamored,

I lost myself; and yet was found.

Of emeralds, and of flowers

In the early morning gathered,

We will make the garlands,

Flowering in Your love,

And bound together with one hair of my head.

By that one hair

You have observed fluttering on my neck,

And on my neck regarded,

You were captivated;

And wounded by one of my eyes.

When You regarded me,

Your eyes imprinted in me Your grace:

For this You loved me again,

And thereby my eyes merited

To adore what in You they saw.

Destiny

One of the hardest things to do is to love Jesus in a romance in this world. We are meant to be with him; it's destiny. But at the same time, most things in the world and designed to make us crash and not pursue him. At the end of the day, it's what we do to pursue him and fall in love with him. He's already in love with us and has been since the beginning of time. We have a love story with God that is one written in the stars; we were made to be his beloved. So often we have a hard time living from that identity. Usually, we live out of an identity of busyness or what we do or where we work, but our true identity is found in him. Our Lover.

Everything he has done is to get us. He died on the cross to get us. He suffered to get us. All so that we would think, say, and write to him as we worship him and enjoy his embrace and kisses, "My Lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies." Song of Songs 2:16. We are living in the middle of a heavenly romance story. Where God is our (not-so) secret Lover who lives with us as here in his Holy Spirit and promises one day to return to us, sweep us off our feet, and marry us forever.

God has made us wonderfully in his image and as his beloved we should flourish in him. I read a long time ago about how a girl in love changes. Well there was this girl who was never put on makeup, never did her hair, wore plain clothes, she mostly kept to herself and didn't make any waves, you get the picture. Everyone who knew her thought she was just the "plain Jane." But then one day something changed. She came to work and to class differently. She had fallen in love. And after that, things mattered in a way that they didn't before. She wore makeup, she did her hair, she smiled nonstop, she made herself heard. She had fallen in love and been told that she was special. But, after that, she believed it.

It's just a story and I always thought it was sweet. (Not that I am endorsing the beauty industry's tactics or anything like that) The point is that when we fall in love, we should look like we are in love. We should have the fruits of the Spirit pouring out of us and we should really want to tell others about how in love we are. We have God, who is madly in love with us. Promising to whisk us off our feet and take us on the most romantic, passionate, sweet and darling honeymoon and happily ever after every and love us forever as our Beloved. We should be a city on a hill because of that. Others should see our light and our joy and want it also with God.

We've got everything we ever wanted with our God. Psalm 37:4.

Insomnia

Alright, so I can't sleep. And I'm sitting here listening to the most indie music ever. This past weekend, I discovered the magic that is Pandora. And I created indie channels that are of the names "Death Cab Radio" and "Wilco Radio" and "Spoon Radio." I discovered the indieness that is the band Phoenix. And realized I had heard their song '1901' before (on a Cadillac commercial....that's ironic). This weekend we discovered again how much awesome our family is. I have the greatest in-laws. Ever. And we hung out with them. I ate 4 grilled chicken thingies (slices? not too sure on that one) at a cookout at my uncle and aunt-in-laws. And now the week has begun. (PS that guy above ^ is hilarious; I DO believe that you can laugh yourself to sleep)

Well, a good idea when not able to sleep, something funny!

I really thought this was funny, just because he is on TV so often at my parents house. I would NOT have thought this.

Funny times.

Life is good with God. Always :)

August, The First Possible Month of Fall

I started writing a journal this weekend which I got for my birthday last week. I've come to realize that the biggest problem that I have is myself. I realized that I'm just fine as God's beloved during the weekend, when I have lots of time to worship and celebrate him and just bask in his love. But when pressure and busyness come, I'm nowhere to be found by God. My pastor confirmed this, when he said almost verbatim what I had thought today in church. I read this verse in Jeremiah 17:10:

I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give each man according to his ways, according to the result of his deeds. (NASB)

I have these moments where I just wake up, like a man who comes out of deep sleep and it feels like coming up out of the water, and I understand that it's what I do that is important. Fine, maybe we all have wonderful beliefs on paper. But there are times when I'm just scared because I know I am not living in my relationship with Jesus as I should be. I ignore him. I forget him. I brush him off to be with myself. And that's sad. I can't miss out on a moment with God. It's too precious, too important, too wonderful. I told God today I want to spend the Autumn with him together this year. Not that we don't anyways, but I want it to be our time when our love blossoms again. I wrote down Song of Songs 3:1-2 and 5:2-6 in my journal in church and realized it was exactly what I did and felt when my Beloved comes near to me:

All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him...I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My lover is knocking: "Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with the dew, my hair with the dampness of the night." I have taken off my robe-must I put it on again? I have washed my feet-must I soil them again? My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my lover and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the lock. I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. (NIV)

I find myself in that exact same scene with Jesus' Spirit, taking place inside myself almost daily. I have to end it. I am so deeply in love with him. I can't let our relationship be dull, without passionate because part of me just plain lackadaisical and filled with lethargy. We had prayer at church at the end; I did something then I've been wanting to do for most of the past week. I put my arms up in the air and tiptoed upward celebrating God and mouthing to him how much I love him, how much I adore him, how happy he makes me.

God, I love you so much Jesus Christ. I am yours forever. I love you my Lover. I can't wait to have the best Autumn ever with you this year.